Don’t Be Afraid to Stand Up for Your Kids

There is a fine line parents sometimes try to walk between standing up for their children and becoming that parent.

You know what I mean.

The parent who complains about everything. The parent who thinks their child can do no wrong. The parent who immediately blames the coach, teacher, referee, or another kid whenever something doesn’t go their child’s way.

I never wanted to be that parent. And because I was so determined not to become that parent, I made the opposite mistake.

I waited too long to stand up for my son.

My son was involved in a football program where things were happening that concerned us. At first, I tried to give people the benefit of the doubt. I told myself that sports are supposed to be difficult. Coaches are going to coach. Kids have to learn how to deal with adversity. Not every situation needs Mom or Dad stepping in to fix it.

Honestly, some of that is true.

Our children need to learn perseverance. They need to learn how to handle disappointment. They need to discover that they won’t always get the position they want, the playing time they want, the grade they want, or the recognition they think they deserve.

But there is a difference between allowing your child to experience adversity and allowing your child to continually be harmed by an unhealthy environment.

I wish I had recognized that difference sooner.

Things kept getting worse. What started as concerns became a pattern, and eventually I could see what it was doing to my son. Yet part of me still hesitated.

I didn’t want people to say, “There goes another dad who thinks his kid deserves special treatment.”

I didn’t want to overreact.

I didn’t want to embarrass my son.

I didn’t want to be that parent.

Eventually, we made the decision to move him to a different football program.

And then something happened that confirmed what my wife and I had been feeling.

He began to flourish.

The kid didn’t change.

His environment did.

He found coaches and people who supported him, encouraged him, challenged him, and gave him room to grow. We began seeing confidence return. We watched him enjoy the game again. He was still being coached. He was still being challenged. He still had to work hard.

But there is a tremendous difference between being challenged and being torn down.

On our way out of the previous situation, I finally spoke up. I stood up for my son and said what needed to be said.

I’m glad I did...I just wish I had done it sooner.

That experience taught me something about parenting that goes far beyond football.

Your children need to know that you are in their corner.

That doesn’t mean defending everything they do. Sometimes standing up for our children means correcting them. Sometimes loving them means telling them they were wrong. Proverbs 22:6 reminds us to “start children off on the way they should go.” Parenting isn’t about making life comfortable; it is about helping form our children into the people God created them to become.

But there are also moments when our children need an advocate.

They need Mom or Dad to walk into the uncomfortable conversation.

They need us to ask the difficult question.

They need us to say, “This isn’t okay.”

They need us to be willing to risk being misunderstood by adults in order to protect the heart of the child God entrusted to us.

Jesus gives us a powerful picture of how seriously God values children. In Mark 10, people were bringing children to Jesus, and the disciples tried to stop them. Jesus didn’t quietly ignore what was happening.

He intervened.

“When Jesus saw this, he was indignant” (Mark 10:14, NIV).

I love that.

Jesus saw children being pushed aside, and it bothered Him enough to do something about it.

Maybe there is a lesson there for parents.

There are times when patience is godly. There are times when grace is necessary. There are times when we need to let our children work through difficult situations rather than rescuing them.

But wisdom also knows when enough is enough.

Standing up for your child does not automatically make you difficult.

Asking questions does not make you unreasonable.

Removing your child from an unhealthy environment does not make you weak.

And protecting your child’s heart does not mean you are raising them to be soft.

Sometimes the courageous thing is staying.

Sometimes the courageous thing is leaving.

And sometimes the courageous thing is finally saying what you should have said months ago.

Looking back, I realize I was worried about what other adults might think of me while my son was the one carrying the weight of the situation.

I would handle that differently today.

Parents, listen to your children. Pay attention when their personality changes. Ask questions when something doesn’t seem right. Teach them resilience, absolutely—but don’t confuse resilience with silently enduring something that is hurting them.

You won’t always get it right. I certainly didn’t.

But I’ve learned this:

I would rather have someone think I’m “that parent” than have my child wonder why his dad didn’t stand up for him.

Our children have plenty of people who will coach them, grade them, evaluate them, correct them, and tell them where they fall short.

Let home be the place where they know they are loved.

Let Mom and Dad be people they know they can come to.

And when the moment calls for it, have the courage to stand beside them and say:

“You are not facing this alone. I’m with you.”

Because sometimes one of the most spiritual things a parent can do is simply stand up for the child God entrusted to them.

Grace & Peace,

Pastor Abe